Three years ago I travelled to Tarapoto in the Peruvian Amazon to deepen my study with Ayahuasca.
At that point I had years of experience with this medicine, some of it in the jungle.
The centre I visited was and I believe still is run by a couple, a man and a woman, who are both not Peruvian. I was the only guest there and after conversations with the facilitators I can’t say that I felt a strong connection or a particularly caring energy from either of them.
One thing I was told for example was that the facilitators drink the same amount of medicine as the participants, which means that they might not be able to help when help is needed. What…?
On the day of the first ceremony I told the female facilitator that I had drawn a card in the morning and it was the Serpent.
When she asked me what it meant for me I replied: the shedding of skins, transformation, re-birth, creativity.
Her opinion about of the serpent however was: confusion, disillusion and despair. Slightly unsettling…
That night I had my first ceremony and I was given a big cup of highly concentrated ayahuasca. Despite my concern I drank it all.
After that I remember possibly 20 min of the journey.
6 hours later I came back to consciousness and realised that I lay on the concrete floor, 10 meters away from my mat.
I was drenched in sweat, had released myself (in all ways imaginable) and I was in a lot of pain…
The first thing I heard was:
Go and wash. I tried to get up, but wasn’t able to. No help was offered.
I finally made it to the bathroom and showered, went to my room and this was when I properly looked at myself.
I had black bruises all over my body. My knees and ankles had swollen to 3 times their size. I had big bumps on my head.
I was on my own with no one to check on me and I got scared about possible head injuries etc.
I took photos of myself and send them to friends, who are also space holders. They all told me to leave the centre asap as I was not safe there. I decided to book a flight as soon as I could and then finally managed to sleep.
The next day late afternoon they came to check on me. When I said that this shouldn’t have happened and showed them my injuries they got defensive and told me:
You come here with your feathers in your hat, with your spiritual fashion. You have no idea what energies you are playing with.
It’s all about image with you.
When I enquired what happened I was told I had been thrashing on the floor for hours screaming. They said they checked with spirit what to do and were told to leave me and not to intervene. And that’s what they did, knowing that it was a big risk to take.
I was also informed that I was possessed and it would be dangerous for me to leave.
I should go back to the same space with the medicine, but try to stay conscious this time. That was however the last thing I wanted to do.
It took me two days to get myself back together, until I was able to walk again and I finally managed to leave knowing that I had also left a part of my soul there in the jungle.
I haven’t written about this before, because for some reason I did not want to expose them as I thought this might have been a one off mistake…
But after talking about this experience to many people I was encouraged to share, or better I was told it was my responsibility.
If you want to know the name of the centre please message me directly.
There is a second part to this story which involves a real serpent, owned by a dear friend of mine, who sacrificed herself for me in that same night.
When my friend told me about this, I knew that I had only just escaped with my life. It took some time to heal this trauma.
I since have reclaimed the part of my soul and I can also see the blessing in this journey. After having visited the darkest depths of the underworld, I now have the ability to hold a lot of light.
Saying that I don’t wish this experience on anyone. Please be aware that there are many unsafe spaces in the medicine world. It is such a big business these days and there are those who take advantage of people who don’t know better and are seeking healing.
Please always do your own research.
There should be a thorough screening process before the ceremony.
If that’s not happening then be cautious.
My prayer for you is that you find safe spaces to experience Mother Earth’s magical medicines so they can bring the healing that they are intended to bring.
And lastly a big thank you to all the space holders that work in full integrity, with care and purity in their hearts 🙏
