A few days after returning from visiting the Yawanawa tribe for 6 1/2 weeks in the Brazilian Amazon I feel to share a little bit with you.
I started my stay in the Yawanawa territory in Acre close to Mutum at Centro Awanawa with a 7 day retreat to learn more about the culture and tradition of the tribe.
It was magical to be part of their family for a little while and beautiful to see how much effort was put in creating the space and holding the ceremonies. Sometimes we had possibly up to 30 people there from the village supporting us, singing for and dancing with us.
Many of the younger people are studying with Hushahu, Matsini, Rasu and others and especially after this tradition was almost lost at some point with only around 90 of this tribe left, it is great to see how strongly everyone is showing up now and how many are touched by the spirituality of the Yawanawa.
After the retreat I entered, together with a group of 20 souls from all over the world, a 30 day Seya (dieta).
The dieta was opened in a ceremony with the Paje praying into a cup of medicine mixed with Kaisuma, which is a sacred drink made from a local potato variety. After drinking this we were not to drink water for one month, only kaisuma, not more than one litre a day. Tea was available if necessary after one week. The food was limited especially in the first few days/ week.
A dieta is a time to go inward, connect, study, a time of sacrificing that what gives us comfort and staying away from things that distract us.
With opening the diet and during the first month a seed is sown within us. And often we learn about the benefits of a dieta afterwards, when the seedling breaks through the soil, the plant starts to grow and bears leaves and flowers.
Considering this, it’s early on in the process, but I am feeling moved to share a little now and I am sure more will come.
First of all I would like to express my gratitude for the main space holders Hushahu, Matsini and Rasu for all of the teachings, for the opportunity to study the Saitis (their sacred songs) and the spirituality of the Yawanawa people.
Also a big thank you to the magnificent forest and its sacred medicines.
Insights
Everything is a microcosm of the macrocosm and what was amplified for me was that I am struggling in groups.
At heart I am a hermit and I need a lot of time for myself. I know the importance of gathering my own energy and being in my field.
Often that leads me to withdrawing from groups. I observe little subgroups forming and people hanging out and I feel that I don’t quite fit anywhere. I find myself on the outside, which brings up feelings of not belonging and loneliness. Slightly paradoxical because I often choose not to engage.
I have shared before with you that I have struggled my whole life with loneliness. I believe this is connected to me being a 2nd was volunteer according to Dolores Cannon’s theory of “The three waves of volunteers”
This energy came through strongly for me.
Also, after having lost my father and my brother within one year all I wanted was to be with my family, to be there for them (I thought), but really my heart was yearning for them to be there for me…
I feel that I am currently completing a 7 year cycle, starting with leaving London at the end of 2015 to teach at a retreat centre in Sri Lanka. After that I have more or less lived a nomadic life style, have studied different traditions, supported many sacred spaces, shared my own work in a lot of ways as well. It has been a time of expansion, learning, experiencing and it has been truly magical.
This fire however, this drive that has sent me all around the world is burning very low right now and actually all I want is to spend more time in Europe and hopefully towards the end of the year arrive somewhere I can call home.
So you can imagine with all of that going on, being in a hut in the jungle feeling disconnected was a little challenging.
Another struggle was my health, though actually better than expected after experiencing the after effects of Covid over 4 months before I started this journey. However I definitely lacked in energy and many ceremonies were spent with me feeling dizzy. So there was a little less dancing than I had hoped for…
An interesting observation was that as a facilitator I find it challenging to be a participant especially over a long period of time. I generally get a lot of energy and enjoyment from serving and offering support to others. Without this I disappear into a shell and find myself in a disempowered place, which of course is something to look at for me.
Lastly studying the Saitis and having to present them to the teacher brought up a lot around fear of failure, not being good enough, stress around having to perform.
And of course that’s strongly connected with “looking up to teachers”, putting them on pedestals and so on, which has always been something that I have to be aware of.
So as you can see there is a lot still that will take time to settle. At the moment I don’t feel very empowered, but I am sure this will come once my body managed to re-balance itself, my energy is more centred and my spirit has caught up again.
Saying all of this I am grateful for the experience and I am looking forward to harvesting the fruits of this work.
Thank you for being part of my journey.
Muito obrigada
Viva Yawanawa 🐍
